I started preparing for Halloween early
in 2016. I loved Halloween.
Some point in October, before the 22nd I
must have pinned this photo, I must have
imagined Emmet's first Halloween.
Looking through my Halloween board
yesterday I came across it. It stopped
me dead. I thought I had collected and
poured over every last image and item I
have left from the brief time we had
I thought our 1 family photo before I
yet knew I was pregnant, one photo of me
picking apples and his crocheted boots
were the ONLY things we have of 'his'
from when I was pregnant. Now I have
this pin. Proof that he was there. Proof
of my dreaming. It isn't my photo, it's
just a random one from Pinterest but
it is a little more than we had before.
It took me by surprise.
just after we lost Emmet and it was our
first Holiday without him. And now, as
we approach what could and should have
been his first Halloween, it is our
second, and he is not on earth to dress
up and photograph and love.
I don't know how we got through that
Halloween party, or how we managed to
smile and play host. I don't know how I
managed to even get up out of bed but I
And at one point I pinned a pin to keep
for this year, and I just found it.